


Some of You Have Never Planned a Cross-Country Road Trip and It SHOWS!

by Book_Squirrel



Series: Best Friend Squad! [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Road Trip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-09-23 17:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 15,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20343895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Book_Squirrel/pseuds/Book_Squirrel
Summary: It's flowersandsunshine birthday. Like the good sister I usually am, I originally planned to give her twenty-three Gabriel-free, Nathalie-free, plot-free, angst-free, light, warm and squishy, fluffy and mildly cracky drabbles of general goodness with each chapter based on a randomly generated prompt. What we're getting is twenty-three cracky drabbles involving our favourites road-tripping through the U.S. Let the games begin and happy birthday, sis!





	1. Somewhere in Paris

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flowersandsunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersandsunshine/gifts).

Chat Noir set out a tablecloth (courtesy of the family linen closet) and five candles (courtesy of the corner market). He lit the candles and sat with his back to their favourite chimney. Below, late-night traffic floated along the Seine.

Ladybug swung onto the roof, a picnic basket in hand.

‘At last! Food!’ Chat Noir rolled to his feet and bowed to her. ‘Welcome to _Chez Chaton_, My Lady. Be prepared to be amazed by both the food and the sights as we waste the evening in the best of pursuits.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘From where I’m standing, the view is simply passable.’

Chat Noir changed his pose. ‘How about now?’

‘Eh.’

He lay down with one hand supporting his head, the other spinning his tail as his legs stretched out. ‘And now?’

Ladybug laughed. ‘You look ridiculous!’

‘“I was born to speak all mirth and no matter”.’ Chat Noir leapt to his feet and leaned on his baton, his face ever closer to her. ‘“And now, tell me, for which of my bad qualities did you first fall in love with me?”’

‘Two can play at this game,’ said Ladybug, ‘for my literature class just happens to be reading _Much Ado About Nothing _as well.’

She cleared her throat and said, ‘“All of them together. They maintained such a well organised state of evil that they wouldn’t allow any good quality to intermingle with them”.’

Ladybug turned her back to her partner and pressed her hands against her chest. ‘It is a pity you have such horrible traits. I must bid you adieu and seek out the Sun of my life that is Adrien Agreste.’

‘Like hell,’ growled Chat Noir. He caught Ladybug’s wrist and yanked her onto the blanket with him. ‘What does he have that I don’t?’

She ran a finger down his cheek. ‘Are you jealous of yourself, _chaton_?’

He rested his chin on her chest. ‘Sometimes.’

‘Don’t be. I love every part of you.’ She ran a hand through his hair. ‘Even the part that eats all of the croissants and leaves none for me.’

‘Speaking of which,’ he blinked, turning up the level on his kitten eyes, ‘did you bring any with you?’

‘We’re French, my parents own a boulangerie and patisserie. You really think I’d forget your second-favourite thing in the world?’

He squealed and shivered with anticipation as she unpacked the basket.

They nibbled, talked, and sipped throughout the night. Around them, Paris slept peacefully in the knowledge that their superheroes were protecting them.

At one point, they lay on their backs, pointing out where they would guess that different constellations were if not for the light pollution.

Ladybug yawned and snuggled closer to Chat Noir. She wrapped his arm around her and said, ‘We should go out into the country sometime and see them for real.’

Chat Noir nuzzled her hair. ‘I’d like that. When are you free?’

‘Rumour has it there’s a week between final exams and a certain model leaving for a road trip in the U.S. for six weeks. What about then?’

‘You’re so clever, Bugaboo. I knew there was a reason I keep you around.’

The first pink streaks appeared from the east. They sat with the blanket wrapped around their shoulders and watched the sun rise.

Ladybug said, ‘I always forget how amazing the dawn of a new day is.’

‘Yeah?’ Chat Noir rubbed her arm. ‘I love watching the sunrise. There’s a window in our house which perfectly captures the sun’s rays.’

‘Morning people are such a different breed. You’re usually on time, for a start.’

‘Only to school.’

She poked his side, earning a giggle for her efforts. ‘We should do this again, after school.’

He leaned in closer. ‘Somewhere I can actually see the stars shine in your eyes.’ He kissed her gently. ‘And chase you through the fields and the forest.’

‘You’re such a romantic.’ But her cheeks were pink.

Chat Noir lay back against the roof, one hand over his forehead. ‘Alas, you have found my secret weakness: I, Chat Noir, the Defender of Paris, am a great romantic as befits the most tragic of French writers and dramatists.’

Ladybug grinned and grabbed the blanket.

Chat Noir spun out and pinwheeled across the roof.

‘Come on, Mr Dying for Love. I need to get home.’

‘As you wish, My Lady.’


	2. Somewhere in Nebraska

‘Are we there yet?’

Nino gripped the steering wheel harder. ‘Adrien, I swear if you ask one more time, I’m leaving you at the next rest stop.’

‘My legs hurt,’ whined his best friend from the back of the car. ‘Why does Alya get the passenger seat?’

Alya turned around and squinted at him. ‘Because I actually know how to read a map.’

‘Why can’t we use a GPS?’

‘Marinette, control your boyfriend, please.’

‘What makes you think I can control him?’ said Marinette around a mouthful of Twizzlers. She swallowed. ‘These are disgusting, for the record. Why did we even buy them?’

‘Because _someone_ read about them online,’ said Nino, tired of staring the flat landscape that was Nebraska. ‘Just like how we’re stuck in this car on a road trip across the United States because _someone _convinced us it would be a good bonding experience.’

‘It has been a good bonding experience,’ said Adrien, rolling up five Twizzlers and shoving them in his mouth.

Marinette leaned forward. ‘Do you want me to take over driving for a bit?’

‘No.’ Nino snuck a look at his oldest friend via the rear-view mirror. ‘Okay, fine. Next stop.’

‘We’re in the middle of cornfield #50981,’ said Marinette flatly. ‘I think we can handle stopping on the side of the road.’

‘Nuh-uh! I’ve seen too many horror movies to even think about such a stupid idea!’

‘It’s freaking Nebraska! Are you expecting Stephen King to be out for a jog or something?’

‘You never know.’ Nino adjusted his seat. ‘We’re not doing any stupid white people stuff and risking alerting the Other to our presence.’

‘I’m half-Chinese.’

‘And obviously need a visit to your mom’s family if you’re going to take that attitude.’

Alya shook her head. ‘He’s right. My family will straighten out any ideas of messing with the supernatural.’

Marinette huffed and stole the bag of Twizzlers back from her boyfriend.

They drove through the parking lot of the first rest stop they came to. Instead of stopping and letting them stretch their legs, Nino continued driving and merged back onto the freeway.

‘What are you doing?’ shrieked Marinette.

‘Dude, we’re the only car there!’

‘You’re paranoid.’

‘And you’re begging for a demon to rip your guts out with an attitude like that, young lady.’ Nino leaned over the steering wheel. ‘You may be the Wielder of Creation, but I’m not trusting you anywhere near a haunted house.’

‘Speaking of which,’ said Alya, ‘did you ever hear back from your aunt in Louisiana?’

‘Yeah.’ Nino pulled the brim of his hat low over his eyes. ‘We’re expected for Sunday dinner. Which is apparently lunch in those parts.’

‘Rad,’ said Adrien. ‘I always wanted to try Southern cooking.’

Alya shook the map, sending doughnut crumbs everywhere.

Adrien leaned forward, sticking his head between the seats. ‘Do you think we could do a haunted tour or five while in New Orleans?’

Nino’s hand gripped the steering wheel more tightly.’

‘Seriously,’ Alya grabbed Adrien’s ear, ‘bother your father one more time and you’re grounded until we get to San Francisco.’

Adrien nodded and leaned back in his seat.

Fifty miles of corn passed by.

‘Are we there yet?’

‘Adri—Marinette!’


	3. Somewhere in Arkansas

Alya stretched and popped her neck as the playlist ended. ‘New playlist?’

‘Pass me the aux cord,’ said Adrien, looking completely innocent. ‘I’ve got the perfect playlist.’

Marinette did a double-take at the playlist on Adrien’s phone. ‘I don’t think so.’ She snatched the cord away. ‘No way are we listening to eight hours of anime music.’

He pouted. ‘Come on, Mar. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease.’

She shook it under his nose. ‘Do you want to have a girlfriend after this?’

Adrien wrinkled his forehead. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

Three people groaned.

‘Seriously, dude?’ Nino rubbed his eyes, tired of staring at the landscape.

Marinette placed a hand on Adrien’s shoulder. Her grip was gentle, her smile anything but. ‘Dearest, do you want to have my friendship when this is over?’

‘Marinette! You’re my best friend!’

‘Dude!’

‘I mean, c’mon!’ Adrien sent Nino a panicked look. ‘Don’t do this to me!’

‘Then we’re not listening to anime theme songs.’

Adrien reached for the cord. ‘I haven’t picked any music for two days!’

‘You played early 00s music for the entirety of Missouri,’ said Alya flatly.

‘Don’t forget the deputy who told you to keep your head in and shirt on,’ said Nino.

Adrien sent one last appeal via Kitten Eyes.

Marinette remained resolved.

He swiped the cord, received a solid punch to his arm, and watched as Marinette grabbed it back.

Desperate times called for desperate music.

Marinette shrieked as he tickled her ribs.

‘Give it! Give! It! To! Me!’ he said, accentuating each word with a jab into her ribs.

Marinette kicked her boyfriend and slipped the aux cord to Nino in the front passenger seat. ‘Save us, oh hero of Paris.’

‘Done.’ He plugged in his phone and pulled up an 80s mix.

Adrien reached across the chair.

Alya smacked his hand.

‘_Shot through the heart!_’ blared the speakers.

‘Yeouch!’ Adrien whipped his hand back and massaged it. ‘What did I ever do to you?’

‘You’re annoying me, which means you’re distracting the driver, which is a ticketable offense.’ She directed the car around the especially unsightly remains of roadkill. ‘If I get a citation or a ticket because of this, you’re paying for my insurance.’

‘For how long?’

Marinette dug her knitting out of her backpack.

‘Until you stop annoying me,’ said Alya, ‘or my insurance goes back to a reasonable rate.’

‘Fine.’ Adrien ripped open a bag of Red Vines. ‘How much longer?’

‘We’re driving through the night,’ said Nino. ‘Thanks to you wanting to visit the Glore Psychiatric Museum in St Joseph, we’re behind schedule if we’re making it to my aunt’s in time for Sunday.’

‘How long since you’ve seen her?’ said Marinette.

‘I was five.’ Nino chugged half his soda. ‘And she was living in Wisconsin.’

Adrien pulled up a map. ‘Oh, that’s a little different.’

‘For a lot of reasons.’ Nino shook a finger at his friend. ‘Promise me one thing.’

‘Yeah?’

Nino sighed. ‘Look at me when I’m talking to you, young man.’

Adrien gave his best eyeroll and looked up from the map. ‘Yeah.’

‘You’re getting better at the teen attitude, but I’m actually serious right now.’

‘Okay.’

‘No more haunted sites, no more ghost tours, and for the love of all of the croissants in the Dupain-Cheng bakery, no investigating suspicious noises in dark, isolated areas.’

‘Hey, the parking lot was well lit.’

Nino raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m not talking about the parking lot. I’m talking about the rattling in the ceiling at the motel that you decided to investigate at three in the morning with only your flashlight app for support.’

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Uh, sure. But you were asleep and it was driving me insane.’

Nino kept his gaze fixed on Adrien. ‘Insane means you’re alive.’

Adrien gave his best teen eye-roll. ‘Sure, dad. Sure.’


	4. Somewhere in New Orleans (Alternate Title: The One Where They Try to Keep Adrien from Doing Stupid White People Stuff)

‘Repeat after me: Chasing ghosts is a bad idea,’ said Nino, clapping his hands to accentuate each word.

‘Ghost hunting is a hobby which many people engage in and live to tell about.’ Adrien sipped on his hurricane as they walked along Bourbon Street.

Nino looked disappointedly at a group gathering for yet another ghost tour.

‘He’s not wrong,’ said Alya. ‘I’d love to catch a ghost on video.’

Marinette mumbled something into her drink.

‘Say again?’ said Alya.

‘I said that it’s not the ghosts you have to worry about.’ A neon light cast a green glow over her face. ‘There are far worse things out there than a ghost.’

‘Like the poltergeist in the bakery?’ said Nino.

‘Say again?’ said Adrien.

Marinette waved her hand, clearly enjoying being able to drink again. ‘We were five and something kept destroying stuff in the bakery. Nothing seemed to solve it until my nonna chased it out with garlic and a broom.’

‘Don’t forget doing the supernatural equivalent of braining it with the crucifix.’

‘You’re joking. That never happened.’

Nino looked sombre and sipped his drink. ‘Be careful, youngling, for I have seen more than you ever will.’

Alya wrapped her arm around Nino’s. ‘It’s okay, babe. I believe you.’

Marinette raised an eyebrow at Adrien.

He downed half of his Hand Grenade. ‘Sorry, I’m going with Nino on this one.’

Alya pulled out her phone. ‘Let’s not argue and just take a picture.’

They gathered under the bar sign and snapped a picture with their drinks.

An older man in a late-Victorian suit walked up to them. He planted his cane in the street in front of them. ‘Looking for a chillingly good time, _mes amis_? Reynard knows every ghost in the French Quarter. No murders or suspicious deaths on my tours.’ He did a slight of hand trick with a ball.

A moment later, he split the bouquet of roses in half and handed them to Alya and Marinette. ‘Lovely flowers for lovely ladies such as yourself.’

Nino tightened his grip on Alya. ‘Thanks, bu—’

‘We’d love to! How much?’

Reynard waved his hands. ‘Call me foolish, but pay at the end. One never knows when a ghostly presence is leading you about the city.’ He winked. ‘Ghost money may look real but it often will bite the carrier in an unpleasant manner.’

Adrien’s eyes glowed beneath the green neon sign. ‘Awesome.’

Marinette plucked at her boyfriend’s sleeve. ‘Didn’t you see _The Princess and the Frog_?’

In French, he said, ‘I wear a ring linked to the embodiment of Destruction. We fought and defeated other Miraculous wielders. How bad can it be?’

She scowled.

‘Trust me, Princess.’ He kissed the top of her head and followed Reynard.

Marinette pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘Did he just—?’

‘Yup.’ Nino adjusted the hat on his head and marched after his best friend into the dark and twisting streets. 

‘We’re having a long talk tomorrow.’ Alya kept a death-grip on her drink.

‘That’s assuming we survive,’ said Nino.

Marinette and Alya gave him a Look.

‘Fine. Let me get a fresh drink first.’

An hour later, the four found themselves on the wrong side of a rusty fence.

Reynard was nowhere to be found.

‘I knew it. I knew it!’ Nino threw his hat on the ground. ‘Refused to take our money. Even warned against disappearances during tours!’

Adrien set a hand on his shoulder. ‘Relax. We probably just lost him.’

Nino checked the grass beneath him before sitting down. ‘I am never allowed home again. My aunts are going to take one sniff and know that I agreed to a ghost tour. They’ve probably already been altered by whatever tries to mess with my grandma’s house during reuinions.’

‘The what?’ said Alya. ‘You never told me your family home was haunted.’

‘Only when the wind doesn’t blow from the east.’

Marinette sighed. ‘Just hoist me over the fence. I’ll go get help.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone can think up a full version of Marinette, Alya, and Nino trying to keep Adrien from doing classically stupid things concerning the supernatural, please tell me because I would read that!


	5. Somewhere in Texas

Nino stuck his thumbs through his belt loops and stared at the white clouds issuing from the car engine. ‘Alya, any word from roadside assistance?’

She sat cross-legged in the passenger seat. ‘Still on hold.’

‘The good news is that we have service right now.’ Adrien squinted at his phone. ‘Google Maps says there’s a town a few kilometres ahead of us.’

Marinette lay stretched out across the backseat of the car. She pushed her bangs away from her face and fanned her face. ‘I refuse to hike through 33-degree weather for a town which may or may not be there.’

‘Why would Google lie to me?’

‘It’s a megacorporation dealing in information and technology.’ She sat up with a groan and peeled her sweat-soaked shirt away. ‘Do you think Tikki would be able to conjure up rain? Or anything to make the temperatures liveable?’

Alya shook her head and continued to fan herself with the map.

‘Relax,’ said Adrien. ‘Is it really a road trip without a breakdown?’

‘Sure,’ said Nino, ‘but did it have to be in _freaking Texas in the middle of summer?_’

Adrien flinched. ‘Sorry.’

Nino sat backwards in the driver’s seat. ‘No, I’m sorry. It’s hot, I’m tired, and I’m worried about us being out here for too long.’

‘Google Maps says—’

‘You’ve never had to plan a road trip, have you?’ said Nino.

‘Er, well…’

‘He’s never had to plan much of anything,’ said Marinette, shifting in the sliver of shadow she could find.

Adrien ran a hand through his hair and gagged at the sweat coating his hand. ‘Oh, that’s just gross.’

‘Aye-up.’ Alya leaned against her car seat and closed her eyes.

‘Okay, so, new plan,’ said Marinette, ‘next time, planning will be a team effort. Understood, _chaton_?’

He nodded and picked up his water bottle. ‘Do you think if we send up a big enough distress signal that your parents will see it?’

Nino snorted. ‘Your bodyguard is probably staring at your phone’s GPS wondering why it hasn’t moved for an hour and who he should tell.’

Adrien grinned. ‘Yeah, probably.’ He took a swig of his water and grimaced. ‘Okay, this should not be this warm after an hour of sitting.’

‘It’s not even the warmest part of the da—hello? Yes, hello!’ Alya sighed with relief as someone finally answered the phone.

‘About time,’ said Nino. ‘Marinette, how are you holding up?’

‘I know I saw I wanted something warm, but this is ridiculous.’

Adrien took her hands and placed them over his heart. ‘I solemnly swear on Plagg’s cheese allowance that we will go to Hawaii next time.’

‘What about Cypress?’

‘Or Cypress, if you’d rather.’

Marinette smiled. ‘I wouldn’t, but Hawaii has so many people. And you’d burn like my first batch of cupcakes.’

‘I wear sunscreen!’

‘You’re going to need a parasol, my boy,’ said Nino, attempting to imitate Tom Dupain’s hearty voice. ‘Sunscreen can only protect so much.’

Adrien stuck his tongue out.

‘Mind you manners,’ said Alya. ‘Oh, sorry,’ she said to the phone. ‘Not you; I’m speaking to my son…’

Marinette reached over and patted Adrien’s shoulder. ‘I just want a shower.’

‘The pool would work just as well,’ said Nino.

When Alya hung up, she said, ‘Thank me, oh, petty mortals, for I, the benevolent Earth Mother, have obtained support for our pathetic excuse for a car.’

‘It was fine until now,’ said Nino, feeling bad for all the teasing they were giving Adrien. ‘Are we getting a new car?’

‘Very much so. Apparently thirty seconds of Googling is enough to use the Agreste name as leverage.’

‘Alya!’ groaned Adrien. He buried his face in his hands.

Marinette grinned even as she shook her head. ‘Have you no shame?’

Alya shook her head and threw herself across Nino.

He jumped (as best as he could wedged wrong-way-in as he was). ‘Geroff! It’s too hot for this!’

‘Listen to our children!’ She wailed. ‘I spend _hours _on hold, seeking a car which will protect them and keep them in comfort. I argue for_ever_ with an unsympathetic representative to rescue us from the fiery wasteland that is the middle of Texas—’

In a flat tone, Nino said, ‘Al, we’re barely across the Louisiana border.’

She squeezed one eye open and glared at him. ‘And this is how you all repay me? I should have never made that call.’

‘Oh, dearest mother,’ said Adrien in his best PR voice, ‘forgive us our transgressions and welcome us back to the bosom of your love.’

Alya patted his hand limply. ‘Bless you, my child. I do indeed welcome you back.’ She sat up and said in a serious tone, ‘once it cools down.’


	6. (Still) Somewhere in Texas

Adrien kept reading off town names on signs, the words strange on his tongue.

‘How is Texas so big?’ said Alya, eyes glazed over, her forehead glued to the car window. ‘How can one part of one country be so _big_?’

Marinette coughed delicately. ‘“[Texas] is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-boggling big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that just peanuts to [Texas]”.’

‘All clap for the best use of a reference so far,’ said Adrien. ‘I’m proud of you, Princess.’

‘Thanks. It helps that we just watched it.’

‘Timing is everything,’ said Nino. ‘But it was its own country once upon a time. According to my cousins, Texas regularly reminds the rest of the U.S. of the fact.’

‘And the world,’ said Adrien. ‘You should see the internet fights.’

‘Fights?’ said Marinette.

‘Okay, friendly fights. But there’s still some tension.’

Adrien settled back in his seat.

Marinette popped open a bag of Cheetos. She ate them with a pair of chopsticks pilfered from the restaurant two nights ago. ‘I spy with my little eye something brown.’

‘Are we really going there?’ said Adrien.

She stuck out a tongue covered in orange bits.

He grimaced. ‘You’re lucky I love you.’

‘Same. Start guessing.’

Not the dirt outside, the trim in the car, the coffee cup in the dash, or Nino’s glasses.

Adrien took one of Marinette’s Cheetos. ‘Hint?’

‘Alya’s hair?’ said Nino.

‘Nope.’

Adrien looked down. ‘You’re kidding. My shoes?’

Marinette gave him a thumbs up. ‘Bingo.’ She balanced a Cheeto on a single chopstick and held it out.

‘No thanks. Those are disgusting.’

‘And yet you can’t get enough of Doritos.’ Marinette flicked the Cheeto into the air and caught it with her mouth.

The music coming through the speakers faded.

Alya smacked it. ‘Someone else is going to have to call the company about their shoddy stereo equipment.’

‘It’s because we’re listening to the radio,’ said Nino.

‘That explains why it sucks.’ Alya took a drink of her coffee. ‘It still shouldn’t be fading in and out like this in a flat area. Hills and mountains, yes. Pancake territory? No.’

In a wavering voice, Adrien said, ‘Maybe it’s the aliens!’

‘If it is aliens,’ said Nino, ‘do you think you could call David Tennant or Will Smith?’

‘Not sure,’ said Adrien. ‘But rumour has it that Tommy Lee Jones is from Texas.’

‘Who’s that?’ said Marinette.

Both boys stared at her.

Alya shrieked and jerked the steering wheel. ‘Eyes on the road!’

‘Sorry, babe. But seriously, Mar! How have I neglected your education so thoroughly?’ Nino heaved and sobbed. ‘I’m the worst parent to ever come out of Paris.’

Marinette pulled out her phone. ‘Oh! He’s the other cop in “Men in Black”! Why didn’t you say that?’

Adrien’s hand flew to his heart. ‘“The other cop”? He’s an agent! How could—How have we been friends for this long—let alone dating for this long—and you have no idea who Tommy Lee Jones is?’

‘We’ll stream the movie at the hotel tonight,’ said Alya. She kicked the stereo as it faded out again. ‘Assuming it’s stronger than these weak-ass radio waves.’

‘If not,’ said Nino, ‘I’m sure we could venture into the rumoured remnants of a Blockbuster or otherwise lingering relic that is a movie rental place.’

‘How do you know all these things?’ said Adrien.

‘We all have different hobbies,’ said Nino. ‘Yours is effusive babbling about Ladybug, Alya’s is stalking said-Ladybug, Marinette’s was stalking you—’

‘Hey!’

Nino cleared his throat. ‘Like I said before I was so rudely interrupted—’

Marinette wailed like a Disney-channel teen heroine. ‘Oh my gosh, Da-ad! Do you have to embarrass me like this?’

Nino gave her an unimpressed look in the mirror.

She threw a Cheeto at the mirror.

Alya caught it and popped it into her mouth.

Adrien pulled Marinette close and whispered in her ear.

She turned red before nodding and whispering something back.

Alya turned to Nino. ‘They’re conspiring.’

‘As long as they’re quiet and not distracting the driver.’ Nino took her hand in his, the other hand on the wheel. ‘Damn, when did we get so old?’

‘Raising these two will do that.’

Nino held back the laughter as long as he could. He shook his head. ‘So maybe roadtripping isn’t the worst thing in the world.’

‘Depends on if we have to speak with customer service again,’ said Alya. ‘Definitely the worst part so far.’

Nino pressed her hand to his lips. ‘And you handled it with dignity and grace as befits a woman such as yourself, my love.’

‘Charmer.’


	7. (Still STILL) Somewhere in Texas

With the sun setting behind them, Marinette pulled into their motel parking lot. She rubbed the crick in her neck and said, ‘I’m dying for real food. Anyone else?’

Alya groaned and took her feet off the dashboard. ‘Sounds perfect.’

They checked in, received directions to the concierge who looked even younger than themselves, and wandered down the deserted street to the nearby restaurant.

A waitress looked up as they entered. She wiped down a table. ‘_Hola, chicos. ¿Como estan?_’

All four stared at her.

‘_¿No hablan español?_’

‘Uhhhhhh…’

‘_Esta bien. Soy Paola. Ven conmigo._’ She waved her hand along and handed over four menus in English.

The four French tourists stared at the menu.

Alya finally said what they were all thinking. ‘How can they operate without wine on the menu.’

Marinette rubbed her eyes. ‘The website wasn’t joking when it said this place was isolated.’

‘I believe the exact wording was “rustic”.’ Adrien beamed a smile at their waitress as she set down glasses and a carafe of water. He poured water for everyone.

‘They have four kinds of beer and tequila,’ said Nino. ‘I’m getting a daiquiri. Anyone else?’

‘Do you think they’ll serve me?’ said Marinette.

They all looked at Nino.

‘That’s a great question for Mr I’ve-travelled-the-U.S.-multiple-times-for-family,’ said Alya.

Nino smiled sheepishly. ‘They might. I mean, it’s Texas.’

Marinette sighed and stuck her lip out. ‘We just had to schedule this trip when I was the only one below twenty-one.’

Alya patted Marinette’s hand. ‘Sucks to be the baby.’

Adrien put an arm across Marinette’s shoulders and hugged her. ‘You can get your revenge when we break into the family wine cellar for your birthday.’

Nino rested his chin on his hand and smiled. ‘Oh, glorious day.’

They managed to order by pointing to the menu, half-guessing at the unfamiliar words and terminology.

At the first bite, Adrien moaned. ‘I’m buying their cook and sending them back home. This is amazing.’

Alya nodded, eyes rolling with pleasure. ‘This is some of the best food I’ve ever had.’

‘It just tastes—real.’ Nino sipped on his beer. ‘Which is more than I can say for this.’ He shook his head, trying to reconcile the taste.

Marinette swallowed her food. ‘I may have to stock up on spices and recipes.’

Around another mouthful of food, Adrien said, ‘I may have to marry you, then.’

‘I think that’s the endgame,’ said Nino.

‘Yeah, but—’

Marinette slipped a bite of her enchilada into Adrien’s mouth.

‘Oh, God,’ he moaned. ‘Yeah, learn this and I’ll buy you a ring in San Diego.’

‘Why not just get married in Vegas while we’re in the neighbourhood,’ said Alya with a wink.

Adrien thought for a minute. ‘Hey, Mar?’

When they paid for their meal, Paola said, ‘How was your meal?’

‘It was excelle—wait!’ Nino stared before laughing.

‘You speak English?’ said Marinette.

Paola grinned as she rang up their tab. ‘Sorry, not much entertainment here. Where are you all from.’

‘Paris,’ they chorused.

‘Ah, they’ve been having bad weather this summer.’ She handed over the receipt for a signature. ‘Any word on the harvest?’

‘Huh?’

‘We’re from Paris, France,’ said Alya.

‘Oh! I thought you meant Paris, Texas.’

‘There’s a Paris in Texas?’ Marinette.

‘Northeast Texas, near the border,’ she said. ‘My grandparents live there. We road trip it every Christmas.’

Everyone groaned.

‘Every Christmas?’ said Alya. ‘Why not fly?’

‘It’s only six hours without construction.’

Marinette’s eyes bugged. ‘That’s terrifying.’

Paola grinned and handed over their receipt. ‘Enjoy the rest of your stay in the U.S.’

As they walked through the dim streets of the town, Nino said, ‘We have to get out of here before we start thinking like that.’

‘I know,’ said Marinette. ‘Next thing we know, Adrien will be suggesting a road trip to Warsaw.’

‘Actually, I was thinking of Lake Garda next summer.’ He waved his phone in the air. ‘It’s only ten hours.’

Adrien slept on the hotel couch that night.


	8. Somewhere in New Mexico

Adrien slowed the car and stared at the glowing green light. Everyone else in the car was sleeping. Risk enraging them by interrupting their sleep or live forever with wondering about the green light?

In moments like this, Plagg would always have the perfect advice.

‘WAKE UP! IT’S THE MEN IN BLACK WITH ALIENS!’

Marinette murmured a ‘That’s nice, dear’ before resuming her regular breathing.

Nino remained dead to the world, his headphone planted firmly over his ears.

Alya jerked awake. ‘Wha?’

‘Thank God. Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this green light.’

‘I don’t see a green light.’

Adrien slowed, seeing that the light was fading. ‘Other side of the car.’

Alya adjusted her glasses and squinted. ‘I mean, there’s the glow of the moon on the sand, but it’s just that weird blue glow you sometimes get.’

‘Damn it.’ He slapped the steering wheel. ‘I waited too long.’

‘Uh-huh.’ Alya readjusted her pillow and closed her eyes again.

The car travelled another five miles.

Ten.

Fifty.

Adrien smacked his face twice.

Yep. The green light was back.

He pulled his phone out. Eight-hour time difference, three in the morning New Mexico time, carry the Daylight Savings…

Forget it.

He dialled Chloe’s number.

It rang twice before Chloe picked up. She scowled through the screen. ‘This had better be good.’

‘Are you in the spa?’ he said, noting her towel-wrapped hair and plush robe.

‘Lunch with my mother. Given that she doesn’t actually eat, this was the consolation prize.’

‘Yay?’

‘Eh.’

‘Can you put Plagg or any of the other Kwamis on? I’m seeing something and need verification that I’m not hallucinating.’

‘What time is it even there?’

‘Too late, but we got stuck in Texas longer than expected. Alya doesn’t want to get any further behind on our itinerary than needed.’

‘It’s a vortex out there. Show us what you’re seeing?’

Adrien flipped his phone around.

The green light was gone.

Fuck.

‘I don’t see anything,’ said Chloe. To someone, presumably a Kwami, she sure, ‘Sure, it’s right there.’

Adrien waited as she listened to a Kwami.

‘Wayzz says he’s never seen anything like it before, but Plagg says it’s your certain doom due to leaving him here with me.’

‘Urgh…’

‘I promise I’ve been feeding him the recommended amount of cheese.’

‘How much has he conned you out of?’ Adrien reached over and adjusted Marinette’s blanket over her shoulder.

Chloe grinned diabolically. ‘Absolutely nothing. He threatened to cataclysm my shoe collection the other day.’

‘And?’

‘Tikki said it was more than acceptable for me to put his Miraculous back in the box.’

Adrien laughed before sobering. ‘Chloe, I’ve got to go. Police officer ahead.’

‘Talk later.’

He hung up and shoved his phone under Marinette.

The car whooshed past the parked car and carried on into the night. 


	9. Somewhere in Colorado

Alya whistled as they arrived at the front door of the resort. ‘See, when you suggested travelling the U.S., this is much more what I expected.’

‘Never mind what we more than deserve for putting up with so much dusty desert.’ Nino jumped out of the car. ‘We should definitely have washed it at the last gas station.’ He walked around and shuddered. ‘I think we’ve put a good dent in the mosquito population.’

The valet appeared from seemingly nowhere and took the keys from Adrien’s hand. Two bellhops collected the luggage from the back of the car.

The travellers stared at the polo and chino shorts wearing team.

‘I don’t think we’re in Europe anymore,’ whispered Alya. ‘They’re showing their knees!’

Marinette hid a giggle.

‘We’ll take care of the vehicle, sir,’ said the valet. ‘The concierge is waiting for you inside.’

‘Thanks,’ said Adrien. He strolled inside, the wind ruffling his hair.

‘He needs a haircut,’ said Marinette.

Alya looked from her friend to Adrien and back again. ‘Mm, but you like it long. I’m sure it’ll really complete his surfer boy look once we hit San Diego. Just imagine: Board shorts, tanned shoulders—’

Marinette grinned. ‘You know my tastes so well. Real question: Can he surf?’

‘We’re there for three days. We’ll learn.’

Adrien handed out the key cards for the two-bedroom suite. ‘Don’t get too loud and don’t forget where we are.’

In the elevator, he draped an arm around Marinette’s shoulders. ‘I’d like to make a request for tonight.’

‘Speak, oh fearless leader,’ said Alya.

‘You want an evening just you and Marinette,’ said Nino.

‘I—yeah, how did you know?’

‘You’ve been extra touchy-feely,’ said Nino. ‘And I agree. I’d like an evening with Alya, just the two of us. This is the first place that’s big enough for us to avoid each other.’

Alya whipped out her brochure. ‘More than fair, but that also means Marinette and I need to spend the afternoon in the spa getting the desert our of our hair and skin.’ She pulled on her cheeks. ‘Look at me! Practically an old crone after so much sand and sun!’

Nino cradled her face in his hands. ‘If this is what crones look like, sign me up!’

The elevator dinged and let them out at their floor.

Twenty minutes later, Marinette grabbed Alya and disappeared into the spa for their hastily scheduled appointments.

Marinette leaned against Adrien’s arm and stared at the night sky above them. ‘I never knew there could be so many stars.’

He swallowed hard, eyes fixed overhead. ‘Me neither. You really can’t get this back home.’

They lay snuggled together on a chaise lounge on the balcony. Adrien’s dinner jacket covered them as his fingers rubbed her bare arms.

Adrien nuzzled Marinette’s cheek. ‘I told you I’d get to see the stars in your eyes this summer.’

She blinked and opened her eyes a little wider than normal. ‘Is it as lovely as you imagined?’

‘Why would you ask me such a question? Reality is obviously better than any fantasy I could conjure.’

Marinette’s fingers climbed up his chest. ‘Your skilled tongue will only get you so far.’

Adrien sat up, an offended hand on his chest. ‘My Lady! Hurtful!’

‘So delicate.’ She grabbed his tie and yanked him back to her level.

They continued stargazing, comfortable after an afternoon of luxuriating, an excellent meal, and the pleasure of each other’s company.

Marinette sighed happily. ‘It almost feels like home: The two of us on a balcony.’

‘Comfortable in each other’s silence, relaxing in the knowledge of complete safety.’ Adrien’s head lay heavy on her shoulder, eyes half-closed.

‘Sleepy, _chaton_?’

‘Mm.’ He kissed her shoulder. ‘And too perfectly happy to even consider moving.’

‘I’d be happy to stay, but I’m getting cold.’ Marinette twisted a strand of his hair around her finger.

Adrien sighed. ‘I know. I need a haircut.’

‘Keep it. It’s vacation.’

‘Do you like it?’

She shrugged. ‘That’s what I’m figuring out. So far, it’s just fine.’

Adrien let out a mock-wail and sat up, exposing them to the freezing air. ‘Just fine? Just fine?! My Lady!’

He tumbled from the lounge and onto the floor.

Marinette waved awkwardly to the staff. ‘He’s fine!’

Adrien lay with a hand over his face.

‘Just being a dramatic little bitch.’

He lifted his hand and blew a kiss. ‘Love you, too.’

She pulled on his jacket and whispered in his ear, ‘Excuse me, Chat Noir, but there seems to be a poor civilian in need of an escort home. She would be most thankful if you were to protect her from the dark forces of night.’

One green eye opened and blinked. ‘Well, if she needs me.’

Marinette resisted the urge to roll her eyes. ‘Urgently, desperately. Who knows what monsters may arise in these well-lit corridors of the fabulously expensive resort?’

‘You plead a hard case, Princess, but I, Chat Noir, am ever the hero of the hour.’ He stood and scooped her into his arms. ‘Let it never be said that Chat Noir should fail a civilian.’

Once away from the staff, he whispered, ‘Or his Ladybug.’

Marinette lay her head against his chest and closed her eyes. Her lips curved into a soft smile. 


	10. Somewhere in Utah

‘Carefully! I—ouch!’

‘Stop twitching!’ Marinette scooped up another handful of after-sun lotion. ‘I’m trying to help here.’

Adrien grit his teeth and held on to the bathroom counter as she spread the greenish gloop across his lobster-red skin.

Nino ran a hand over his hair. ‘I didn’t know it was possible to turn that red.’

‘I reapplied sunscreen every hour. How did this happen?’

Marinette said, ‘I told you to wear long sleeves. _I _can tan and I still wore long sleeves!’

'We all did,' said Nino. 'Except for you.' 

‘It doesn’t look right, long sleeves in summer.’

Alya rolled her eyes to high heaven. ‘Look, it’s Utah.’ She tried to remain sympathetic. ‘Maybe hiking an entire mountain in one day wasn’t such a great idea.’

Marinette spread the aloe vera-heavy ointment over the last of Adrien’s skin. ‘There. That should take care of it for an hour at least.’ She washed her hands. ‘I’ll keep the jar in the car with us so we can reapply as needed.’

‘Thanks.’ Adrien pushed his bangs away from his forehead to expose a bright white streak of skin. ‘Let it be known that I am an idiot.’

Marinette stood on her toes and kissed the unburnt part. ‘And I love you anyways. Hair tie?’

He took it and pulled the loose hair from his neck.

Alya said, ‘We’re only three hours from Vegas. I’ll research remedies and see if there’s something else we can do to help with relief.’

Adrien looked at his friends, all tanned to lovely shades, and groaned. ‘Figures. I finally get to Vegas and I may have to spend the entire night in my room.’

‘Marinette will be with you,’ said Nino.

‘How is that better? I won’t be able to touch her.’

Marinette shook her head. ‘Let’s just load up the car and get going, please? Mr Zero-Melanin is going to complain for the next 24 hours, and I don’t want to be stuck in the car any longer than necessary.’

‘Never mind if we need to get him to doctor.’ Nino checked his friend’s shoulders and legs. ‘Hate to break it to you, but if any blisters form, even a Snapchat filter isn’t going to be able to save you.’

Adrien gripped his backpack in one hand and stiffly walked down to the hotel lobby.

‘Poor kid,’ said Nino.

‘Poor us,’ said Alya.

‘It’s only three hours,’ said Marinette.

They all groaned when they realised what she had said.

‘Next thing you know, you’ll be shopping at Walmart,’ said Nino.

‘That sounds like fun,’ said Marinette. ‘Not to buy anything but to walk in and try it.’

‘Ooh!’ said Alya. ‘My aunt in Seattle has a Costco membership. We should ask her to take us. She’ll get a huge kick out of it.’

‘Anything is better than Walmart.’ Nino grabbed his share of the bags and headed downstairs.

Adrien stood by the car, well protected by the shade. Even with the sunburn, several people stared with varying levels of discretion.

‘Dude,’ said Nino, ‘put a shirt on.’

Adrien hissed.

Marinette handed him a white cotton shirt. ‘It’ll hurt less if it sticks to your skin than whatever the car seats are made of.’

‘Yes, ma’am.’ He pulled the shirt on over his head.

An excited squeak sounded somewhere on the porch.

Marinette found the source and gave the woman a proper stink-eye.

‘Who’s driving?’ said Nino.

Alya snatched the keys from his hand. ‘Mine!’

Nino crossed himself. ‘May God have mercy on us all.’

‘Watch it, Turtle Boy!’


	11. Las Vegas (You Know Where It Is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

A live band played in the corner of the [hotel name redacted].

The group redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted dancing redacted redacted redacted redacted [song name redacted] redacted redacted redacted. Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted [table game type redacted] redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted?’

‘Redacted.’

Nino redacted. ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted!’

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted!’

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. ‘Redacted.’

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’ [Name redacted] redacted redacted swimming pool.

[Hotel name redacted] redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. Redacted redacted redacted cell phone redacted redacted redacted redacted.

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted,’ [name redacted] scratched his head. ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted?’

‘We need coffee pronto!’

Nino redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted!’

‘Other left!’

The car redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. [Type of cocktail redacted] redacted redacted redacted redacted [names of witnesses redacted].

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

‘Redacted.’

‘You [insult redacted]!’

[Name redacted] stepped forward. ‘What did you redacted?’

Redacted redacted. ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

‘Redacted redacted redacted.’ [Name redacted] reached for redacted.

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

‘Redacted redacted redacted!’ Alya redacted redacted redacted redacted.

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

[Name redacted] took their phone and redacted redacted redacted [name redacted at order of pricy lawyers].

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted—’

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

[Name redacted] redacted, ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

The phone rang.

‘Hi, [name redacted],’ said [name redacted]. ‘Can you put [name redacted] on the phone?’ Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted?’

Officers [name redacted] and [name redacted] redacted redacted redacted redacted. Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

[Prolonged radio silence recorded by dispatch.]

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

The [officer’s name redacted] said, ‘Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.’

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted.

Redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted. [Name redacted] nodded. ‘Understood.’

[Name redacted] said, ‘I’ll drive.’

‘[Expletives redacted].’

[Name redacted], ‘We are _never _doing that again!’

Everyone grumbled in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent an entire evening giggling and grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat as soon as I thought this up.


	12. A Beach Somewhere Near San Diego

‘See you down there,’ said Alya.

Nino waved to Marinette and Adrien before shutting the door.

Adrien took Marinette’s hands in his and pressed them to his bare chest. ‘I am about to ask you to do to something that I’ve never asked anyone before.’

Marinette’s lips parted slightly. ‘Y-yes?’

‘Will you help me put dye in my hair?’

‘I’d love—what?’

He pulled a tube from his suitcase. ‘It’s salt water-activated hair colour. I stole it from Marketing’s reject pile.’

Marinette looked over the directions and ingredients. ‘This looks like fun. My concern is that it may not come out.’

‘That’s more than fine.’

‘It’s pink.’

‘All the better.’ He flexed and grinned. ‘I always wanted to look like Barbie in “A Mermaid Tale”.’

‘Wow, dating yourself much, grandpa?’

Adrien narrowed his eyes. ‘Just make my streaks look dazzling, understand?’

Marinette simpered. ‘_Yes_, Mr Agreste. Of _course, _Mr Agreste.’ She cackled when his cheeks turned cherry red.

They joined Aly and Nino at the beach half an hour later, the rented surfboards tucked under their arms.

Nino lay stretched out on a towel under a large umbrella. ‘It’s so nice here. I may never leave.’

‘You’d have to buy your own board.’ Marinette kicked her sandals off and dug her toes into the warm sand.

‘Done! It’s not that different from skateboarding.’

Adrien pulled his hair back with a borrowed hair-tie. ‘You heard the instructor talking about how well we did.’ He leaned around Marinette’s board and snuck a kiss. ‘I’m sure having Lady Luck on our side hasn’t hurt.’

Marinette pushed on his nose with her index finger. ‘Last one to the water’s a rotten egg.’ She grabbed her board and sprinted for the water.

Alya and Nino took advantage of Adrien’s dazed expression. They grabbed their boards and ran after Marinette and into the water.

Marinette knew the exact moment the salt water-activated colour proved its potency.

‘What the fuck, man?’ shouted Nino before falling off his board.

Adrien made a V with his fingers and continued riding the wave.

Once they were in the shallows, Alya yanked Adrien’s hair this way and that. ‘Seriously, are you some sort of mermaid heroine?’

‘I’m impressed,’ said Adrien with a chuckle. ‘That’s exactly what I was going for.’

Alya said, ‘The fact that it’s streaks and not simply pink all over makes clear that it’s supposed to be a mermaid and not an anime protagonist.’ She released Adrien’s hair and rested her hands on her thighs. ‘Which is good as I am entirely too young to die for the sake of your character arc.’

‘Glad we’re all in accord.’ Adrien pulled his hair back into its tie. ‘Mar, how’s it look?’

Marinette grinned. ‘It’s good for surfing in Cali, but it might look a little weird elsewhere. I appreciate that it’s rose gold, not the bubble gum that the label threatened.’ She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes.

‘Designing face,’ said Nino.

‘Definitely,’ said Alya.

Adrien posed and flexed. ‘Enjoying the view, m’dear?’

Marinette shook her head and lay flat on her board. ‘I was, but then some stray opened his mouth.’

‘Meow-ch!’

She splashed a small wave at him.

‘Mo-om!’ Adrien wailed before grinning as he splashed Marinette back.

Nino and Alya backed away enough to enjoy the fight without getting soaked any further. They grinned as they watched the two circle each other, each trying to splash without being splashed.

At last, Adrien launched himself from his board and tackled Marinette into the water.

When they came up, water flying from their hair, Marinette laughed. ‘Truce?’

Adrien wrapped her in a hug. ‘Almost.’

She shrieked as they ducked back under the water.


	13. Somewhere in Oregon

Marinette pulled the hood of her new sweatshirt up and nestled closer to Adrien. ‘Are we sure this is the same ocean that we were surfing in a few days ago?’

‘According to the map and the coastal roads we took, yes.’ Alya snapped multiple pictures of them shivering on the summer beach. ‘The lighting is absolutely perfect.’

‘That’s great,’ said Nino, ‘but where’s the freaking sun?’

Alya ripped her shoes off. ‘Who wants to put their toes in the water?’

‘You go ahead, babe. I’ll stand here and be ready to call emergency services to administer to a case of hypothermia.’

‘It’s not that cold.’ She tried to toss her hair, but the wind blew it back into her face.

She handed her phone to Marinette and marched into the waves.

Marinette grinned at the sight being caught on four different phones of Alya cursing a blue streak the moment her feet touched the water.

Adrien said, ‘Have to give her kudos for going even further. I looked up the average temperature. It said 55*F, which is roughly 12*C.’

‘And people swim in this?’ said Marinette.

They turned and watched a large group walk down to the beach. They stripped down to swim suits and trunks.

‘Avengers!’ yelled one of the men.

‘Assemble!’ roared the rest of the crowd.

They sprinted across the loose sand and plunged into the water, shrieking and screaming.

The French tourists stared in awe and wonder.

‘They’re like Scots or something,’ said Adrien at last.

‘Or something,’ said Alya. Her new sweatshirt was covered in splashes. Her jeans, rolled up to her mid-calf, were soaked up to the knee. She turned and looked back at the crowd, already working its way back to dry land. ‘Isn’t nature wonderful?’

‘It’s certainly—certainly,’ Marinette tilted her head. ‘I really don’t have a word for what we’re seeing.’

‘It’s about to get a whole lot weirder,’ said Adrien. ‘Eugene is next on the list, and then Portland!’

‘What is it about Portland that has you so excited?’ said Nino.

‘Powell’s Books! It’s supposed to be the largest independent new and used bookstore in the world! David Tennant said that he loves visiting Portland just for Powell’s as it’s a way of finishing all of his Christmas shopping in one stop.’ Adrien rubbed his hands together. ‘And OMSI.’

‘Oh, that’s here? Portland is suddenly a lot more interesting.’

‘What’s OMSI?’ Alya’s hair tie snapped. ‘Ouch. Mar, do you—?’

‘Unless Adrien’s willing to give you his, that was my last one.’ Marinette’s eyes grew wide. ‘Wait. Portland—’ She checked the logo on her sweatshirt. ‘Isn’t that where Nike is headquarted?’

‘It certainly is,’ said Alya. ‘But that’s like three hours away. I think we can find a package of hair ties a little closer to our current location.’

They pulled into the parking lot and stared at the great blue and white logo with the yellow end mark.

‘Walmart,’ they chorused.

They carefully approached the doors.

A man in a yellow smock said, ‘Good afternoon.’

‘Good afternoon,’ mumbled the tightly packed group.

After ten minutes of walking, Marinette said, ‘It’s just so—so—’

‘Big!’ said Alya.

Nino nudged Adrien. ‘You’re looking a little dazed.’

‘There’s a lot of sensory input,’ he said, eyes glazing over.

Marinette said, ‘Look, we came to hair ties. Anything else we need while we’re here?’

Nino said, ‘Probably, but I’ve heard rumours of how easy it is to go in for one thing and leave with enough junk to fill a standard apartment back home.’

‘That’s Target,’ said Alya.

‘Same difference.’

Marinette grabbed Adrien’s hand and led him along. ‘Why don’t you two go check out food or anything else while we get hair ties.’

‘Pringles, please,’ said Adrien.

He breathed a little more easily once they were in the narrower, darker aisles of the hair and cosmetics section.

Marinette stared at the options before them. ‘Wow. That’s a lot of options.’ She finally located a package of fabric covered ties and grabbed it.

‘Awesome,’ said Adrien. ‘Let’s get out of here.

They headed to the front of the store, eager to pay and get out.

Adrien stopped suddenly. ‘Hey, look!’ He grabbed an umbrella from the display. ‘A ladybug umbrella!’

‘It’s supposed to be a strawberry,’ said Marinette. ‘Look at the green design at the tip.’

Adrien turned up his nose and held the opened umbrella over his head. In a stuffy tone, he said, ‘I declare it a ladybug umbrella, and a ladybug umbrella it shall be.’

‘Fine, it’s a ladybug umbrella.’ Marinette grinned. ‘I wonder what else they have…’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All quotes by David Tennant are from his 2018 Rose City Con panel.


	14. Somewhere in Washington (The State, not the Political Hub)

The windshield wipers squeaked.

A lot.

Adrien turned up the music and squinted through the rain. ‘Does someone want to swap with me? I’m having trouble seeing.’

Nino shook himself awake and yawned. ‘Shit, that’s a lot of rain. We should probably pull over at the next stop. That looks pretty nasty.’

Marinette gasped from the backseat.

‘What?’ said Nino.

‘You want to pull over in an absolute deluge in the middle of Washington State? Don’t you know what this area is popular for?’

‘Seattle?’

‘Rain?’

‘Fish,’ mumbled Alya, sound asleep.

Marinette crossed her arms. ‘And you call yourself savvy when it comes to the supernatural. Forks, you fool. It’s famous for Forks.’

‘Like—?’ Nino held up a plastic fork covered in pasta sauce.

‘More like glittery vampires and werewolves who can’t keep their shirts on.’

‘Are you talking about Twilight?’ said Nino.

‘Duh.’

‘Look, as long as Adrien stays away from the body glitter and keeps his shirt on, we’ll be fine.’ Nino glanced at the heavy evergreens on their right and left. ‘I hope.’

They found a clear patch on the side of the road.

By the time Adrien and Nino had switched, they were soaked to the skin. Both pulled on their Oregon Coast Aquarium sweatshirts and turned up the heater.

‘I can’t believe we were dying of heat less than a week ago,’ said Adrien, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands.

‘You know what they say,’ said Nino as they pulled back onto the highway, ‘if you remove the supernatural from Twilight, it’s about a girl who moves to a town where it rains—Holy shit!’

He slammed on the brakes.

Everything not buckled in slid to the front of the car.

The car squealed to a stop.

Three pairs of wide eyes stared at the tree in the middle of the road. In the rapid gloom, they saw that the tree covered the entire width of the highway.

Marinette swallowed several times. ‘G-g-good catch. Good catch, Nino.’ She patted his shoulder with a trembling hand.

‘Th-thanks.’ Nino’s hands shook as he put the car in Park. ‘I think you called it.’

‘I’m not saying it’s a horror film,’ said Marinette, ‘but it looks like—’ Her head jerked to the left.

‘What is it?’ said Adrien.

‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘Just a deer. I think.’

‘They wouldn’t be out here in this weather,’ said Alya, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. ‘Humans are the only animals stupid enough to be out in this kind of weather.’

Upon seeing the tree blocking the road, she said, ‘I’m not saying it’s a horror film, but—’

‘That’s literally what I was saying when you woke up,’ said Marinette.

‘So what do we do now?’ said Adrien. ‘Move it ourselves?’

‘What makes you think we’re going to be able to move a twenty-metre tree with our own untransformed strength?’ Nino slumped in his seat. ‘We have _got _to binge all the classic horror films when we get home.’

‘Fine. What do we do then?’

‘Check the glove box and see if there are any tips.’

They found a booklet with the necessary information: Call the local sheriff station.

‘Great advice,’ said Marinette. ‘Or rather, it would be if we have service!’

‘Adrien, your Walmart umbrella is in the trunk, right?’

‘Firstly, it’s a Ladybug umbrella. Secondly, you are not taking my favourite souvenir so far into the storm!’

Alya leaned forward until her chin rested on his shoulder. ‘We have two options: Stay here until the storm ends or get out and start marching. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather seek out help rather than risk spending the night in the middle of a backwater highway in the middle of a freaking forest.’

Adrien shivered. ‘Fine. But please, be gentle with her.’

Nino parked the car on the side of the road. They bundled up in their jackets and sweatshirts before hiking along the road. Before leaving, they also took the flashlights in the emergency kit.

Twenty minutes later, the flashlight caught a green sign.

‘“Welcome to Diablo”,’ read Alya.

They all looked up, waiting for thunder and lighting.

The rain continued its steady assault.

‘And on that note,’ said Adrien, ‘I think the car seems like a lovely place to wait out the rain.’

Everyone mumbled their agreement and trudged back through the rising water.


	15. The Idaho Panhandle for a Hot Minute before Somewhere in Montana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The locking your keys in your car while at a gas station in Idaho is TOTALLY not based on a real experience. Nuh-uh.

Everyone piled their snacks onto the counter.

‘Is that everything?’ said Adrien. ‘We’re not stopping until Montana.’

‘You make it sound so far away.’ Alya pulled at her messy bun. ‘Damn, when did I get so blasé about distances?’

‘Somewhere back in Kansas,’ said Nino. ‘But Texas buried it good and proper.’

Adrien chuckled and pulled out his card. ‘That’s for the snacks and pump #4.’

The cashier swiped the card.

They gathered up the snacks and headed for the car.

Adrien reached into his pocket for the keys. ‘Um, does anyone have the keys?’

Nino searched through his pockets.

The boys looked at their girlfriends.

‘Do we look like we have pockets?’ said Marinette.

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Er, where are your purses?’

‘In the car.’ Alya handed Nino her share of the snacks. She cupped her hands around her eyes and pressed them to the window. ‘Which apparently still has the keys in the ignition.’

‘Damn it.’ Adrien ran a hand through his hair, exposing the lingering pink streaks. ‘What do we do now?’

They asked the gas station attendant for help. The attendant called the sheriff’s station and spoke with someone on the other line.

When he hung up, he said, ‘They’ll be here in about twenty minutes.’

Adrien beamed his best genuine smile. ‘Thanks for helping!’

The assistant grunted and picked the newspaper.

The four sat on the kerb by the car. Marinette popped open a container of Pringles and held it out. ‘Anyone?’

They watched the traffic pass on the highway.

Four cars stopped at the gas station and carried on.

One person kept staring at them.

When they didn’t stop, Adrien pulled his hood up and grabbed a handful of Pringles.

Everyone sat up straight when a state trooper car drove by. It stopped a car on the other side of the road.

Four sets of shoulders slumped.

Five minutes later, a beige vehicle with the ‘Sheriff’s Deputy’ written on the side pulled in. A woman in a beige uniform stepped out. ‘Are you the folks who got locked out of their car?’

Nino stood up and wiped the Pringles dust from his trousers. ‘Yes, ma’am. Are you here to help us?’

‘I am.’ She checked their IDs against records in the computer before collecting her equipment. Her blonde ponytail bounced as she walked. ‘Give me a few minutes, and we’ll have you on your way.’

Three minutes later, she dropped the keys into Adrien’s hand. ‘There you go!’

‘Thanks. That was embarrassing.’

She grinned. ‘It happens all the time. Drive safely!’

Alya tried to grab the keys.

Adrien held them above his head. ‘No way are you driving anywhere near a police officer! We don’t want to risk anymore tickets than we have to.’

She crossed her arms. ‘You’ve been doing research on the roads, huh?’

‘Yeah, and Montana cops are a special breed if half the stories are true.’ Adrien climbed in and started the car.

‘It’s because they’re bored,’ said Marinette. ‘Too much land and not enough people.’

An hour later, a big blue sign said, ‘Welcome to Montana!’

Twenty minutes later, Adrien stopped the car.

They all got out and stared open-mouthed.

Marinette finally said, ‘I understand why they call it Big Sky Country.’

‘Even the Plains can’t compare,’ said Nino.

Alya was the first to return to the car. ‘I don’t like how big and open it is. I feel exposed.’

‘Looking for a foxhole?’ Nino patted her knee before climbing into the passenger seat. ‘Hey, kids, let’s get moving. We still have six hours until Billings.’

‘Selfie first.’ Adrien pulled out his phone and draped an arm around Marinette.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled.

They stopped for the obligatory picture with the Welcome to Butte sign.

That was when it started to snow.

Everyone looked from the white stuff in their hands before looking up to the darkened sky.

‘You’re kidding,’ said Marinette. ‘It’s July!’

‘I wonder if we’ll get enough to have a snow fight,’ said Adrien. 

‘I’d be down,’ said Nino. He shivered and looked through the trunk of the car. He removed their suitcases one by one.

‘What are you looking for?’ said Alya, arms wrapped tightly around herself.

‘I want to make sure we have snow chains,’ he said. ‘My dad taught me how to put them on a couple of times.’

‘Do you even know how to drive in snow?’

‘Nope, but the chains should take the edge off of learning.’

‘Men.’ Alya made a sputtering noise. ‘Look, if it gets back enough that we need chains, then we’re not moving. The car’s too tiny and light for that.’

‘She’s right,’ said Adrien. ‘Remember our trip to Switzerland last year?’

Nino poked his head around the edge of the car. ‘I do. That’s why I’m making sure we have chains. If we get caught in the middle of nowhere—’

‘You mean snowhere.’

‘Adrien Agreste! Get in the car right this minute!’


	16. Somewhere in the Dakotas

‘Just think about it,’ said Adrien, the map folded out over his outstretched legs, ‘bricks are domesticated rocks.’

‘They’re totally not,’ said Alya from the backseat. ‘Bricks are made artificially. Rocks are harvested and shaped.’

‘I’m with her on this,’ said Nino. ‘Saying a brick is a domesticated rock is like saying Poptarts are calzones.’

‘I mean, they sort of are,’ said Alya.

‘What sort of heresy is that?’ Marinette’s face flushed a dark red.

‘It was just a question,’ said Alya.

Nino flipped his blinker and merged into the right lane.

Alya unwrapped a Poptart and held it up. ‘Look at it! Look at that construction.’

Marinette crossed her arms. ‘All I see is two slabs of solidified poster putty filled with coloured craft glue with more craft glue in a different colour on top.’

‘Yeah, but does it classify as a calzone?’

‘You are causing an earthquake in Italy with the number of my ancestors who are rolling in their graves at such a question.’

‘What about the French ones?’ said Adrien.

‘They don’t count in this conversation.’

Nino let out a low whistle. ‘Them’s fightin’ words.’

‘Look,’ said Alya, ‘it’s—’

‘Urgh.’ Marinette pressed her hands together and closed her eyes. ‘Listen, if you’re really going to push the point: Poptarts are a kind of hand pie or tart. There’s no yeast to be had in _that_ dough.’ 

Alya leaned in. ‘Sure about that, _Dupain_-Cheng?’

‘Quite. Calzones are made by folding a single piece of dough in half over a filling. Poptarts are made of two pieces of dough. They also have a specific kind of cheese.’ Marinette pinched off a piece and crumbled it between her fingers. ‘Why are these even a thing?’

‘If anything, they’re ravioli,’ piped Nino.

Adrien’s eyes grew huge. ‘What sort of cursed knowledge is this?’

‘Something to keep us distracted from the landscape.’ Nino wriggled his toes on the dashboard. ‘I mean, it’s this or Alya driving again.’

‘We’d get through here faster,’ said Alya.

‘Yeah, but traffic fines, babe. We lucked out with Nevada.’

Eyes fixed on the road, Adrien fumbled until his finger pressed against Nino’s lips. ‘What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.’

‘Only when you have super fancy lawyers with the authority to remotely erase footage of a once-in-a-lifetime experience.’

‘NDA! NDA!’ shrieked Adrien.

‘Now you just sound like Plagg,’ said Marinette.

‘I kind of miss the little cheese beggar.’

Marinette slipped her hand into his. ‘I’ll admit, it’s strange not to smell Camembert on you all the time.’

‘And by strange,’ said Alya, ‘you mean a relief.’

‘Well…’

‘Who’s up for dinner?’ said Nino, spotting a sign advertising a rest stop in two miles.

Marinette groaned. ‘It’s time to eat again already?’

‘We don’t have to,’ said Nino.

His stomach growled.

‘We’re going to have to work extra hard to fit into our clothes once we get home,’ said Alya with a groan. ‘Doing nothing but driving and eating—’

‘Hey!’ Adrien sat up and twisted around. ‘We get out and walk a lot! I have the sunburn lines to prove it!’

‘Oh, yeah? I have tan lines.’

‘So do I,’ said Nino.

Adrien sent Marinette a pleading look.

‘Sorry, white boy,’ said his girlfriend and other half. ‘You’re the only one who’s burnt this entire time.’

‘What does that even prove?’

‘Absolutely nothing.’

‘“Which is what you are about to be”,’ said Marinette in a deep voice.

Nino reached back and high-fived her. ‘Nice Space Balls quote. I’m proud of you.’

‘See, this is why I can’t trust you alone,’ said Adrien.

Alya reached over the seat and patted his head. ‘Calm down, sweetie. Babe, Adrien’s getting testy. I think it’s time to stop for food.’

Nino wailed, ‘We literally just passed the turn off!’

It was a long forty miles until the next stop.


	17. Somewhere in Minnesota

‘Everyone remember where we parked,’ said Adrien, pressing the car fob to lock it.

Nino grabbed his friend in a headlock and rubbed his knuckles into his friend’s blond mop. ‘Who died and made you dad?’

Adrien laughed and slipped away. ‘Marinette! Nino’s being mean to me!’

‘Nino, be kind to your meal ticket,’ said Marinette.

‘Hey!’ Adrien crossed his arms. ‘I have half a mind not to buy your admission ticket to the Lego Store if that’s your attitude.’

Marinette spun on her heel to face him. ‘If you’re taking that attitude, you’re going to have to buy an icepack for when I hand your ass to you in mini-golf.’

‘You think you can take me in mini-golf?’

Alya grabbed Marinette’s shoulder and dragged her along. ‘We don’t have time for this. We only have eight days left, and I have a portfolio which needs finishing!’

They broke the silence upon walking in through the entrance. 

Nino gaped. ‘Hooooooooooooooleeeeeeeeeeey—’

‘Wow,’ gasped Marinette.

The French tourists stared higher and higher.

Nino’s hat fell off. He snatched it off the ground and planted it more firmly on what was beginning to look suspiciously like a baby Afro. ‘I know the guide said it’s big, but this—’ 

‘Lego Store first!’ Adrien grabbed Marinette’s hand and dragged her towards the store.

Marinette planted her feet. ‘Wait! That sounds like Clara singing!’

‘But Legos!’

‘But free live-concert!’ said Alya.

‘And a chance to check out the acoustics!’ said Nino.

Marinette chuckled. ‘Oh, Kitty.’ She pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘Two minutes. I promise. We have all day to spend here.’

Adrien brightened and nodded.

They followed the sounds of the concert and found a giant stage with mezzanines allowing for hundreds of people to easily see Clara Nightingale.

‘I can’t believe we’re actually seeing her here!’ said Marinette, bouncing on her toes.

Clara jumped onto a rising platform and held out a note as lights flashed behind her.

Everyone screamed when she bowed.

Clara turned and noticed the familiar four. She waved at them and said, ‘We’re going to change up the order a little.’

‘What’s she doing?’ said Alya, who had been recording the whole time. ‘She waved at us, right?’

At a cue from Clara, the piano player pounded out a few chords before the drummer kicked up a beat.

Marinette stood up straight and grinned. She pinched Adrien in excitement. ‘It’s our song!’ she whispered.

‘Our song? From _Moulin Rouge_?’

Clara grinned as she danced around the stage. ‘_Une Ladybug, porte-bonheur, Lady Magique et Lady Chance!_’

From the mezzanine, the four heroes sang along, ‘_Une Ladybug, Lady du Coeur, Être héroïque en cas d’urgence!’ _

By the beginning of the second chorus, dozens of people sang along, each in the language they knew the song in.

Marinette wiped at her tears. ‘I didn’t realise we made such a difference for so many people.’

Nino and Alya pulled Marinette and Adrien into a group hug. ‘We’re loved and appreciated!’

Adrien burst into fresh tears.

Alya pulled him into a Mom Friend™ hug. ‘C’mere, sweetie.’

Two ice creams each and a box of tissues later, they were ready for the Lego Store.


	18. Somewhere in Indiana

Adrien cracked open a can. ‘Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.’

Everyone groaned.

‘I’m beginning to understand why my American friends hate road trips so much,’ said Alya, leaning against the steering wheel. ‘They all thought I was insane for taking a plane just to drive around the U.S.’

‘Come on, guys.’ Adrien twisted and slung his legs over Marinette’s knees. ‘What’s your opinion?’

Marinette reached over and wriggled the energy drink out of his hand. ‘I think that’s enough Red Bull for today.’

‘This is only my second can today!’

‘Yes, yes, it is.’ Marinette handed the can up to Nino. ‘But we have another five hours before we stop for the night, and you’re scheduled to drive in a few minutes.’

Adrien pouted.

When Marinette rolled her eyes, he laughed and pulled her in for a hug. ‘You’re getting better at resisting.’

‘Hey, covered bridge!’ said Alya. ‘I want pics.’

They pulled off the road and tumbled out. They posed in a variety of goofy and semi-professional poses.

Alya tossed the keys to Adrien. ‘You’re up, pretty boy. Try to avoid the river.’

He saluted and climbed into the driver’s seat. ‘Everyone ready?’

‘Buckled and ready to go.’ Marinette twisted around in her seat. ‘What’s so funny, Alya?’

‘What do you mean?’ Alya wiped her glasses on her shirt.

‘Didn’t you just giggle?’

‘No?’

Marinette frowned. ‘It sounded like one of your sisters.’

‘Wasn’t me. Babe?’

Nino shook his head. He sat up straight. ‘I just heard it too.’

‘We’re on a wooden bridge, not asphalt,’ said Adrien. ‘I’m sure it’s just that.’

Everyone else sighed with disappointment.

‘Someday he’ll learn,’ said Marinette.

‘Bitch!’ Alya jumped. ‘Something stung me!’ 

Adrien looked in the rear-view mirror. His eyes widened.

Nino risked a look through the back. ‘Drive, man! Fucking drive!’

Adrien’s foot slammed on the gas.

The car shot over the last of the wooden planks and back onto asphalt.

‘What the hell was that?’ said Adrien.

‘Nothing good,’ said Marinette. Her freckles stood out sharply.

Twenty minutes later, they passed a state-police car. Its lights turned on.

Adrien groaned. ‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’

Once they pulled over, the trooper walked up to the driver’s side of the car. ‘Afternoon, everyone. Do you know why I pulled you over?’

Adrien shook his head.

‘You have some suspicious matter on the back of your car. Mind if I take a look?’

‘No, not at all.’

The officer walked around the car. He frowned. ‘Where are you from anyways?’

Adrien outlined their road trip.

‘Uh-huh.’ He rested his hands over his vest. ‘You didn’t happen across a covered bridge recently, did you?’

‘A few miles back.’ Adrien licked his lips and reached for Marinette’s hand. ‘Why?’

‘You have handprints on the back of your car that look like blood.’

‘Fucking—’

All four jumped out of the car and bolted to look at the back.

Adrien ran his hands through his hair and pulled. ‘This cannot be happening! This cannot be happening!’

Nino said, ‘Did you know the bridge was haunted?’

‘No! I tease you about it, but Plagg’s taught me to stay away from the really nasty stuff!’

The officer watched them scream at each other in French for the better part of a minute. Finally, he said, ‘Do you have anything to wipe the handprints off with?’

‘Y-y-you’re not going to arrest us?’ said Alya.

‘If we arrested everyone who crossed that bridge and ended up with bloody handprints on their car, we wouldn’t have any room for the real criminals. Legend says a kid was murdered there seventy-odd years ago and hasn’t been able to find rest since.’

‘Does she giggle?’ said Marinette.

The trooper’s smile was sympathetic. ‘Thank your lucky stars and get your car cleaned up.’

Nino crossed himself and fetched a package of wipes from the car.


	19. Somewhere in Ohio

‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ said Adrien, ‘we are in Ohio!’

Everyone remained more or less asleep.

Adrien shook his head and pulled up the new Jagged Stone single.

The car windows rattled from the heavy bass and drums.

Marinette shot up. ‘Whuma?’ Her make-up left half-moon smudges under her eyes.

Adrien turned down the volume and balanced the bass. ‘We’re in Ohio!’

‘What’s so exciting about that?’ Nino’s yawn exposed his molars. ‘I happened to be having a great dream.’

‘Was I in it?’ Alya put her feet up on the dashboard.

Nino scratched at his almost full beard. ‘If I tell you, the dream won’t come true.’

She made a rude gesture at him.

Laughing, Nino grabbed her hand through the gap in the seats and kissed it.

‘What’s so exciting about Ohio?’ Marinette leaned forward and smoothed Adrien’s hair.

His eyes automatically crossed with pleasure.

The car swerved.

‘None of that, please,’ said Nino.

Marinette withdrew her hand. ‘Right.’

She really needed to write a chapter for the Miraculous grimoire: What not to do when your partner is Chat Noir.

‘Ohio sounds like good morning in Japanese.’

Alya stretched. ‘You do know it’s late evening there, right?’

‘In France, yes. But Kagami happens to be in New Zealand for a fencing camp right now.’ Adrien smirked. ‘Ladybug isn’t the only one who can plan.’

Alya laughed. ‘I never knew you could create such a convoluted plan.’ She turned to Marinette. ‘Might want to keep an eye out for him stealing your limelight.’

Marinette waved her hand. ‘He’s more than welcome to it.’

‘Use my phone,’ said Adrien. ‘She’s most likely to pick up for me.’

Alya grabbed it and dialled the number.

Half a dozen rings later and Kagami’s face appeared on screen. ‘Hello.’

Adrien leaned over. ‘Hey, Kagami! Guess where we are?’

‘Where?’

Everyone grinned at each other before chorusing, ‘Ohio!’

Kagami fought to suppress a smile and lost. ‘You’re awful.’

‘Oh, come on.’ Adrien winked at her. ‘You miss us.’

Blushing gently, Kagami said, ‘Well, I miss Marinette.’

‘Ha! Told you so!’ said Marinette.

Nino put a hand on Marinette’s head and shoved her out of view of the camera. ‘Brag about being the favourite, why don’t you?’

Alya put her hands over the vents. ‘Hey, this is blowing hot air.’ To the phone, she said, ‘Sorry, Kagami, but we’re going to have to go. More car troubles.’

‘It’s okay. I have a class in a few minutes. Enjoy the rest of your trip!’ She waved before hanging up.

‘The car isn’t overheating,’ said Adrien. ‘It must be the air conditioning.’

‘We’re going to want that,’ said Marinette, already fanning herself with a flyer.

They stopped at the first town with a mechanic and absconded to the Dairy Queen across the street.

Alya sat with her chin on her fists. ‘Who wants to call the rental company this time?’

Adrien mock-groaned. ‘I volunteer as tribute.’

‘Excellent.’ Alya eyed the menu. ‘And I’m starving, so excuse me while I grab a snack.’

Adrien’s call caught a representative in less than five minutes.

By the time the food arrived, Adrien was hanging up. ‘They won’t replace the car at this point—’

‘Typical,’ said Nino, shoving fries into his mouth.

‘I know. But they will reimburse us for whatever we spend at the mechanic. Just have to send a copy of the receipt in.’

Marinette nudged his leg with hers. ‘Amazing what money can get you.’

Alya shook her head in disgust. ‘I knew I should have had you call in when we were stuck last time.’

Adrien shrugged and beamed his killer smile. ‘What can I say? Cameras and phones love me.’

Marinette rolled her eyes. ‘Is there a lake nearby that we can throw him in? His head’s going to be too big to fit into the car at this rate.’

‘Princess! You wound me. How can you expect me to be anything less than my humble self?’

‘Trust me. Dating you has cured any hero-worshiping I may have had for you.’

Adrien downed the remaining fries in one mouthful. ‘I may as well get fat, for My Lady loves me no more.’

‘Oh, she loves you.’ Marinette wrapped her arms around him. ‘But I don’t worship the ground you walk on.’ She tapped his nose. ‘I delegated that job to you.’

Adrien swallowed the fries and kissed her forehead. ‘As you wish, Princess.’

Her toes curled at the purr in his voice.


	20. Somewhere in Pennsylvania

‘Cow.’ Nino stuck his thumb against his temple and made the ASL sign for cow.

Adrien groaned. ‘How many times are you going to do that?’

‘Depends.’ Nino had the audacity to look smug. ‘How many cows are in Pennsylvania?’

‘Ugh, Marinette! Alya!’

In the front seats, Marinette and Alya continued to chat about new DIY recipes for pumpkin spice lattes.

‘They’re ignoring us.’ Adrien crossed his arms and slumped in the back seat.

‘If they’re discussing recipes, no shit. Cow.’

Adrien smacked his hand before his friend could sign again. ‘How can one state have so many cows?’

‘I think we’re still in just the one county.’ Nino grinned.

‘You knew about this, didn’t you!’

‘Dude, you have no idea how much revenge I’ve packed in just for Pennsylvania.’

‘Revenge? What have I ever done to you?’

Marinette interrupted the discourse on the exact amount of cinnamon to use to say, ‘Let’s start with only anime music from Sacramento to the Shakespeare Festival in Ashland.’

‘We could follow-up with throwing Nino into Crater Lake,’ said Alya.

‘As well as locking the keys in the car in Idaho.’

‘The random-ass discussion questions in the Dakotas.’

‘And insisting on backroads for the entire Midwest that led to bloody handprints at the covered bridge.’

Nino cleared his throat. ‘See, I just wanted to use my favourite cow puns, but it sounds like there’s more tension than I realised.’

Adrien groaned. ‘Hit me.’

‘Okay. Cow.’

‘Ugh.’

Nino cleared his throat. ‘What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?’

‘I don’t know.’

Nino pulled out a box of candy. ‘A milk dud.’

Adrien chuckled. ‘Okay, that was good.’

‘But sometimes it’s an Udder Failure.’

Snickering, Adrien popped a milk dud into his mouth. ‘What else do you have?’

‘What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?’

‘Moo-ve along?’

‘Not bad. “It’s pasture bedtime”.’

Marinette and Alya’s conversation had moved on to the proper use of nutmeg.

‘Where do cows go for lunch?’

‘I know this one! “The calf-eteria”!’

‘All right, Mr Grade-A beef.’

‘Yes, he is.’ Marinette winked at Adrien by way of the rear-view mirror.

He blew her a kiss.

Nino tented his fingers. ‘A math problem, if you will (cow!): A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200.’

Adrien laughed until he cried. ‘Can you use a cow-culator with that problem?’

‘Cattle with a sense of humour are nothing but a laughing stock.’

Alya said, ‘I’d tell you a cow joke, but I’d probably butcher it.’

‘Wow, getting dark there, babe.’

‘Oh! I’ve got a good one!’ Marinette cleared her throat. ‘Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?’

‘Is this an Oregon joke?’ said Adrien.

‘No, I picked it up from the gas station attendant in Montana.’

Nino scratched his head. His face lit up. ‘It was the pot calling the cattle back!’

Marinette reached back and gave him a high-five.

‘Cow!’ Nino cleared his throat. ‘Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?’

‘Because they lactose,’ said Alya.

‘Give me your phone. No cheating.’

She shoved her phone down her shirt.

‘That’s never stopped me before.’

‘Babe, we have company. Be considerate. They’re delicate.’

‘What do you call a cow with a twitch?’ said Marinette.

‘Beef jerky?’ Nino handed the bag of jerky up front.

Marinette took the bag. ‘What am I supposed to do with this?’

‘Eat it. It’s good stuff.’

‘Are you sure it’s real?’

‘It’s probably one of the healthier foods we’ve eaten in our entire time here.’

‘Good point.’ Marinette took a trip of jerky and gnawed on it.

Adrien laughed. ‘I’ve got one.’

‘Yeah? (Cow!) Hit me.’

‘What did the farmer say when he lost of one of his cows?’

‘What?’

‘What a miss-steak.’

‘Okay, that is a bad one. Cow.’


	21. Somewhere in Connecticut (Doing White People Things)

Adrien dug through Nino and Alya’s suitcases. He ruffled his hair. ‘I thought I specifically told you to pack certain outfits for yachting here.’

‘I did,’ said Nino. ‘But I spilled ketchup on the shorts while in Colorado.’

‘I didn’t have a chance to go shopping before leaving,’ said Alya.

Adrien turned to Marinette. ‘Help me.’

She widened her eyes. ‘Don’t look at me. I took good care of my clothes.’ She motioned to her crisp pink shorts and navy jumper over an Oxford shirt. ‘I even remembered to pack my birthday pearls.’

‘Only because I helped you pack.’ He turned to his friends and tented his fingers. ‘There’s only one thing left to do. We’re going shopping.’

‘Who’s paying?’ said Alya, eyes narrowed.

‘Obviously I am since I’m the one who’s insisting on the excursion.’

‘That’s okay, then.’

They found the necessary items and managed to arrive at the marina only ten minutes later than scheduled.

Nino whistled when they stepped out of the car. ‘Those shorts make your legs look a mile long, babe.’

Alya blushed and adjusted her glasses. Her hair was swept back in a sleek ponytail. She wore a striped Oxford shirt. ‘It’s not as bad as I thought it might be. What I do want to know is how you look so good in a polo and linen trousers?’

Nino slipped on his new aviator glasses. ‘It comes to some of us naturally.’

Adrien laughed and tied his navy jumper around his shoulders. ‘Come along, kids. We’ve got an afternoon of sun and sea and I don’t want to miss cruising around.’

He took Marinette’s hand and walked to the marina office.

They spent most of the day taking pictures.

The cabin crew spoke Quebecois French, and any number of jokes and friendly jibes were exchanged.

As the sun set behind them, Adrien had Marinette and Alya sit at the prow of the boat. He snapped pictures with both his phone and a Polaroid camera. ‘You look amazing.’

Nino rested his elbow on Adrien’s shoulder. ‘We have two very fine looking ladies with us.’

‘And don’t forget it!’ Alya laughed as she stood up and brushed her shorts off. ‘I’m going to get my sweater. Come with me, babe?’

‘I hear and obey.’ Nino twined his fingers with Alya’s as they disappeared below deck.

Adrien grinned at Marinette and took multiple pictures. The setting sun, the breeze fluffing her hair, dressed in a manner that fit her figure and her colouring…

‘Everything all right?’ said Marinette. ‘You’ve gone starry-eyed again.’

He sat next to her and held out the Polaroid for a picture together. ‘I am so glad we ended up together.’ He snapped a picture.

Marinette stole a kiss for the next one. ‘So am I, _chaton_.’

They wrapped their arms around each other’s waists and looked out over the water. 

‘Mar?’

‘Mm?’

‘What would you say to moving in with me? When we get home?’

She tilted her face and studied his expression. ‘Do you think you can weather the scandal? I can see the tabloids now.’

He looked at her.

‘Oh.’ She sat up but kept her arm around him. ‘You’re serious.’

‘Yeah. I’ve thought about it for a few months, but now…’

She kicked her heels against the bulwark. ‘Give me a few days.’

‘Okay.’

‘_Minou_,’ she took his chin with her thumb and forefinger. ‘I’ll let you know by the time we get back to Paris. Okay?’

He smiled. ‘Sounds perfect.’

Behind them, Alya and Nino snapped a dozen pictures between them.

Nino looked at the picture of them kissing as the last rays of sunlight disappeared. ‘So, that’s going on their engagement announcement.’

Alya nodded. ‘Definitely.’


	22. Somewhere in Upstate New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I squealed the entire time while writing this chapter. Finally an idea out of nowhere that is sweet, fluffy, and adorable!

‘I don’t know if I can do this.’

‘Dude, if you don’t, then this entire trip was a waste.’

‘No, it wasn’t! We’ve made a lot of good memories.’

‘Yes, we have. We’ve also proved that we can survive six weeks and not kill each other.’

‘I wonder if we could try this again in winter.’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘One: Switzerland is closer if you want life-threatening snow conditions. Two: You _are_ going to follow up your plan that you scheduled five months ago.’

‘I don’t know if I can do this.’

‘You will. This is your last chance. You failed in Colorado and again in Oregon. You even failed in Connecticut on a sun-set cruise! This is your last chance.’

‘See! I can’t do this.’

‘If you don’t, I’m telling Alya the entire reason for this trip.’

‘You wouldn’t.’

‘I’ll make sure Tom and Sabine are on video chat as well.’

‘I hate you.’

‘I love you, too, dude. Just remember to breathe.’

‘I can’t believe we’re still in the U.S.,’ said Marinette as she and Alya walked through the grounds of Boldt Castle. ‘It feels almost like we’re in Germany.’

‘It was built to feel like that.’ Alya’s nose remained firmly planted in the tour guide purchased from the gift shop. ‘It says if we follow this path, it’ll lead to the waterfront.’

‘Didn’t the guys say to meet them at the Power House?’ Marinette stepped aside to let a family pass them on the path.

Alya turned several pages. ‘It’s supposed to be one of the most photographed structures on the island.’

Marinette peered over her friend’s shoulder. ‘Based on the pictures, I’m not surprised.’

They emerged from the gardens and followed the necessary signs.

Nino met them. He kept playing with his hat. ‘Hey, Al, I want to check out the gazebo. Come with me?’

She gave him a suspicious look. ‘What’s up?’

‘Uh, nothing. Just wanted to get a few pictures alone.’

Marinette said, ‘Go ahead. I’m sure I can find Adrien.’

‘He’s waiting at a pier-thingy for you.’ Nino wiped his hands on his trousers before shoving them in his pockets. ‘Don’t take too long.’

Marinette raised an eyebrow. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Peachy-keen!’ Nino coughed. ‘Coming, babe?’

He power-walked up the path.

Alya hugged Marinette. ‘Whatever’s up, best of luck.’ She ran after her boyfriend.

Marinette shook her head and followed the last sign.

She rounded the final bend and saw Adrien standing on the pier, his back to the path. His hands were buried in his trouser pockets. The sun glinted off his shoulder-length hair.

How was it that after four years of dating just the sight of him could make her heart flutter?

The gravel crunched under her shoes.

Adrien turned around. ‘You found it.’

Now that she was closer, Marinette could see that his hands were fidgeting within their pockets. ‘What’s up?’

He took a deep breath. ‘I am really, _really _sorry if I screw this up.’ He opened his eyes. ‘I was supposed to do this on the yacht, but I got cold feet.’

‘As happens on a yacht.’ A knot twisted in Marinette’s stomach. ‘_Minou_, what’s wrong?’

‘Um…’ He rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I—I wish Plagg and Tikki were here. They’d help me through this.’

Marinette waited.

‘Fuck it.’ He knelt on one knee and pulled a box from his pocket. ‘Marinette, I had a whole speech planned out. There were glorious puns and enough romantic twaddle to sink a ship.’

She giggled. ‘You mean make one float?’

He grinned. ‘Or that.’

Marinette waited for him to speak again.

When he didn’t, she said, ‘Can you ask the question before you get arthritis in your knee or Alya and Nino come back?’

‘Uh, yeah. Sorry.’ Adrien cleared his throat. ‘Marinette Dupain-Cheng, will you marry me?’

Marinette grinned. ‘I thought you’d never ask. Yes, yes, I will.’

Adrien slid the ring onto her finger.

Marinette yanked him into a hug. ‘I guess this answers the question you did manage to pop on the yacht.’

He giggled. ‘Yeah?’

She looked up at him. ‘I would love to move in with you.’

Adrien picked her up and spun around. ‘I’m engaged to best woman in Paris!’

They immediately fell off the pier and tumbled into the lake.

From their view point, Nino clicked his tongue. ‘Classic.’ His finger continued to press the shutter.


	23. Somewhere in Montreal

‘_Flight 76 leaving Gate 4…Will Mrs Killian please come to the nearest customer service station…Le vol pour YVR…Gate 18 is now closing…Vous pouvez prende…’_

Marinette lay curled up on the seat with her chin on Adrien’s shoulder. She scrolled through the comments on her post with the engagement ring. She absently twisted the new ring on her finger.

Adrien noticed her twisting it. A smile that was equal parts smug and pure, unadulterated love crept over his face.

‘Aw, look at those two,’ said Alya.

They looked up and saw her recording them.

‘So sickeningly romantic after their road trip across the continental United States.’

‘We can get a lot worse.’ Adrien pulled Marinette onto his lap and rested his chin on her head.

Marinette scratched her head on his stubble. ‘My Nonna says congratulations and wants to know if you can eat pork.’

‘Is she making Italian Wedding Soup?’

‘That’s the plan.’

‘I know there was a reason I was marrying you.’ Adrien pressed a kiss to her temple. He chuckled at a comment. ‘Looks like Chloe’s going after any irritants.’

‘She’s been amazing.’ Marinette winced at a comment before grinning at Chloe’s response.

Nino came over, four coffees in hand courtesy of a cardboard carrier. ‘Drink up, people. Last chance for bad coffee with too much milk and too much sugar trying to compensate.’

‘Calm down,’ said Marinette, taking the offered drink. ‘They still have Starbucks at home.’

‘Yeah, but even that tastes better than this garbage.’ Nino picked up Alya’s drink. ‘Are you sure you want to risk this?’

‘It’s an American staple.’

‘We’re in Canada.’

‘It’s still North America.’ Alya grabbed her Pumpkin Spice Latte, popped the lid, and downed half of the beverage.

Everyone stared at her.

‘How was it?’ said Adrien at last.

Alya swallowed and shrugged. ‘I don’t get the fuss, but maybe it’s an acquired taste.’.

‘Or maybe it tasted better when they first released it.’ Nino sipped on his own black coffee. ‘All I know is that it was so nice to be able to speak French again.’

‘Here, here,’ said everyone.

Nino popped his neck. ‘Ten hours to home and my own bed!’

‘And the Kwamis!’ said Marinette. ‘I’m sure they’ve missed us.’ She brushed her hair over one shoulder. ‘I mean, I know Tikki at least has missed me.’

She batted her eyelashes at Adrien.

He rolled his eyes. ‘Please, you know Plagg will be happy to see his pushover cheese dispenser again.’

Alya grinned. ‘I’m looking forward to hearing about how the Kwamis and Chloe drove each other insane.’

‘Not me,’ said Nino. ‘We all know that Wayzz is the perfect Kwami and never causes mischief.’

‘Uh-huh, sure.’ Alya hip-bumped him. She downed another mouthful of her drink and frowned.

‘Everything okay?’ said Marinette.

Alya carefully swallowed her drink before spitting out a glittery ring. She looked at Nino. ‘Seriously?’

Nino looked smug. ‘I told Adrien I would when he did.’

‘Why I—You really?’ She turned to Adrien, fists clenching.

Adrien curled up behind Marinette. ‘Save me, Ladybug!’

Marinette shook her finger. ‘Mind your emotions!’

‘I’ll mind my emotions by stuffing them—’

Nino grabbed Alya’s hand and slipped the ring from her fist. He slid to his knees between their friends and his girlfriend. ‘Alya Césaire, will you do me the honour of making me your husband?’

‘Yes, but—fuck! I was going to propose to you when we got home! My dad is going to be _pissed_!’

‘You really think I’d say anything but yes with Nora looming in the background?’ Nino shoved the ring onto Alya’s finger and breathed a sigh of relief. It fit, just snugly enough that it would be difficult to remove. ‘Now I can consider this trip a success.’

‘Wait.’ Marinette sat up. ‘Did you two plan this trip just so you could propose to us?’

‘Yes!’ squeaked Adrien.

‘He did and I hopped onboard,’ said Nino. ‘I also knew he wouldn’t have the guts to propose, and when in doubt, the wrath of a Césaire is a helpful motivator.’

Marinette put her phone down and took Adrien’s head in her hands. ‘You are without a doubt the soppiest romantic to ever grace the planet.’

Adrien grinned. ‘You’re welcome.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read and laughed with me! This was an absolutely fantastic trip! The last two chapters were not at all how I planned to end the trip (I didn't actually have any solid plans), but I think I'm happy. Until next time! xx


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